11.23.2005

salad

How come I only like salad when it has things on it like cheese and that yummy full fat dressing from City Market?

I just can't win.

11.21.2005

One for the quote board

A good friend told me tonight:

"You've been like a curator at the Identity Crisis Museum."

Fabulous.

11.20.2005

habit

Day after I day, I get out of bed, wash my hair and take care of my body as if someone might love it. I layer it with lotions, slide into lacey panties and try to feel pretty. Then I jam twenty-five cent Little Debbie snacks into my mouth on the way home.

Life is painful, but don’t worry for me. I don’t feel any of it. I flit. I flit about, ignoring it, trying to make everyone happy and pleased with me. Or maybe I’m flattering myself. Maybe I don’t flit. Maybe I crash. I crash about, knocking into things, damaging things…people…myself.

And when the tears come, I still can’t sink in. I still can’t feel the pain. I pretend I’m in a movie, crying decadently for the camera. Why do I bother to fight the tears if they don’t matter anyway?